The time was some decades ago, the place was our old house in the French countryside.

The hole was right in the middle of our courtyard. It was the remnant of repairing a blocked sewer system (#oldhouse). Now the ground wasn’t level any longer, the interlocking pavement wasn’t interlocking any longer and the stones were piled on a messy heap next to the hole. The children had to be supervised. The car couldn’t be parked properly. No more space for table and chairs outside.

My (then-)husband said that he would take care of it. I believed him.

In the beginning.

Some weeks later I started to hint that maybe …?

“Of course, don’t worry!”

By now you probably guessed that nothing happened. Not then, not in the following weeks and months. Never the right time, the right tools, the right what-have-you. Nothing I tried would make a difference. He just wouldn’t do it. The hole was here to stay, it seemed.

The blind spot

Over time I didn’t notice it any longer. We all have these blind spots in our life: something that is blatantly obvious to the rest of the world, which makes our life difficult or a misery and we don’t even notice it any longer…

Fast forward a couple of years (yes. Years). I was in London for a workshop on the relationship between a person and her home. The whole of Saturday was devoted to working on clutter (awareness about clutter was still young in those pre-Marie-Kondo-times).

I had gone to London feeling quite serene having done my share of work on my house, or so I thought. But during the first day there I got confronted with some very uncomfortable truths as to what I was really doing. Ouch.

I lay awake half the night, realising how much inner and outer work would be waiting for me back home!

The marital choc

The next morning after breakfast I called my husband to ask how the children and he were doing? Everyone was fine, they had a fun day ahead and we don’t have a hole any longer.


(In the beginning I didn’t even understand what he was talking about. Remember, I had “forgotten” the hole).

How??? When??? Why???

“Oh, when the children were in bed I set up a lamp and worked during the night.”

I was speechless (and that takes some doing :).

Half an hour later at the workshop the facilitator greeted us with: ”Often when we work on our own things, family or partners start miraculously working on their stuff too – even if they are far away and we haven’t even talked to them about it. Has anyone ever made this experience?”

I was speechless for the second time. 🙂

A universal principle

On that day I learned a lesson that has been with me ever since and I have observed countless times: the most efficient and elegant way to make anyone change is to change yourself!

The most gratifying application of this principle remains for me the home – because it is so tangible! You can implement change and see, touch and feel the difference right away!

  • Do you want to learn about the blind spots in your own home?

  • Do you want to find out how your home can support you in your inner work?

  • Do you want to boost your clarity and find out where to start?

And wouldn’t it be nice if your loved ones kicked into action too? 😉

I’m so looking forward to sharing my best strategies with you in upcoming online course “Change your Home, change your Life”. We are starting on Monday, February 13. Get your spot here for free and do bring your friends!

To the elegant way of creating change!


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